Travails of Marriage

February 4, 2012 by chrissantosra 12 Comments

Marriage is a celebration, an adventure, the most wonderful thing that can ever happen to two people who truly love each other and would want to spend the rest of their lives together, but of course, nothing in this world is perfect. Marriage has its own flaws, too, that can either drive you crazy or you just learn to live with as time goes by.

My husband and I have known each other for seven years before we got married, but when we became husband and wife, we realized that there were still so many things we didn’t know about each other.

Besides the usual Men~are~from~Mars~women~are~from~Venus issues that we had to deal with during the first year of our marriage, there were those “little things” that took us a while to get used to: some of them urgent, some simply amusing.

The Regal Pose

WHO SLEEPS ON WHICH SIDE?

I always sleep on the right side of the bed. This was not a problem with my husband because he could sleep on either side, but he likes to lie spread eagle while I snuggle up to him. In the morning, when he wakes up, his arm would hurt from the weight of my head on it the whole night, and my back would ache from curling up like a caterpillar the whole time.

This is worse than a nightmare!

HIS  UNRELENTING SNORING

Have you ever heard a broken lawnmower in the middle of the night? That’s how he snores when he’s had too much to drink or when he’s very tired from work. I used to smack him right in the face when I couldn’t sleep because of his snoring, but I thought that was cruel. I searched the internet for a better way to solve this problem and found out that changing his sleeping position helps alleviate the snoring.

Pajama King and Queen

TUG O’ WAR WITH THE BLANKET

I don’t know what it is with the blanket that he just can’t part with. He can’t  sleep without it even when it’s summer and he’s soaking in sweat. There are times when I wake up with the blanket pulled over me, and no matter how many times I take it off, he places it back. I try to take it away from him but he manages to grab hold of it somehow, and we end up playing tug-o-war with the blanket until one of us gives up first.

Cooking “jeon” (Korean pancakes) for the first time

MY TERRIBLE COOKING

I admit, not even a hungry dog would eat the food I used to prepare for my husband. When I was single, I never did the cooking in the house. It was always my Mom who cooked for the family. When I came to Korea, I had no choice but to learn how to cook. I’ve learned how to make some Korean food from my mother~in~law who was always patient in teaching me, but I had to “experiment” a little on the dishes that would suit hubby’s taste. He’s a picky eater and doesn’t really like his Mom’s cooking, which I find rather odd since most Korean men adore their mothers’ culinary skills. Sometimes I would look for new recipes on the internet and be in the kitchen for hours trying to master the art of “preparing meals”. Now my husband appreciates and takes pride in my cooking and my parents~in~law think I cook Korean food well.  ^^

I finally got the remote control! See how defeated he was? kkk ^^

WHO GETS THE REMOTE?

When my husband turns on the TV, expect to get a migraine from his constant channel surfing. At times I would grab the remote from him just so he’d stop changing channels, but eventually I got tired and besides, he’d always find a way to get the remote back.

COMPUTER OR TV?

And because he has “chronic” channel~surfing~disease common among men, and we only end up arguing over who gets the remote or which channel to stick to, I’ve come up with  a rule: when there’s a TV program I want to watch, he could use the computer; when I’m at the computer, that’s the time the TV and the remote control are all his.

LAUNDRY BASKET DILEMMA

Don’t you just hate it when your husband leaves his underwear or dirty clothes in the shower room or bedroom for you to pick up and hurl into the laundry basket? When my husband and I were newly married, he had the habit of putting his dirty clothes anywhere, even in the living room!  I would tell him every day to put them in the clothes hamper. Thank God, I was able to train him to do that. In fact, this time he knows where to put the “whites”, “darks” and “soiled socks”.

PUT AWAY THE DIRTY DISHES, PLEASE.

I don’t mind washing tons of dirty dishes as long as I don’t have to collect them from the dinner table, too. One of the first things I taught my husband to do after eating is to put away his dirty dishes. He would complain about it and tell me that it’s the wife’s job, but with constant “nagging”, I was able to convince him, and now he puts away his plates even when I don’t ask him to.

My watch says we should leave… NOW! 

EVERY KOREAN’S MOTTO: TIME IS GOLD.

I should thank my husband for his unwavering patience with me, especially when he waits for hours (without complaining) until I finish putting on make up and dressing up for our appointments. Though he rarely complains,  I know that he’s itching to leave the house every time he walks to and fro in the bedroom and keeps looking at his watch. He talks about it though when we’re in the car, and that we’d probably be late and it’s not a good thing to be late, especially in Korea, that we’d be called “the late couple” from now on (the word “late” not suggesting “deceased”), etc. He tries to sound amiable and convincing, and never raises his voice when he brings up the disadvantage of being late all the time, but as much as he doesn’t like my “nagging”, I don’t like it when he tries to correct me. To avoid being late, I would usually wake up an hour before he does when we have an engagement, so that I could prepare earlier and finish  just in time. It’s “still” a work in progress, but at least I have learned to value time more  because of him. =)

I am reminded of a what John Gray, author of  the popular relationship book for couples Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, wrote: When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences, then love has a chance to blossom.

More sunsets and sunrises to watch with you… ^^

Every marriage goes through what my Mom calls the adjustment phase, and usually it’s the most arduous part of a married couple’s life.  My husband and I have just surpassed two years of it, and we know that we still have a long way to go… but thankfully enough, we have learned how to respect and accept each other’s differences… and because of this, the love that has blossomed between us nine years ago from the time we first met is bound to grow even more in years to come.

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